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Bob Bear

What would you change about yourself?

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one of my personality traits - i don't easily get my feelings hurt. debate is a wonderful thing. no one should get their feelings hurt at debate. if they do, then they shouldn't debate.

yes you can try to change, and you can be successful in trying to be different. i.e., not being shy. but you are still shy. you are just a person who is trying not to be shy. personality stays the same.

i think a shy person should be a happy shy person. does suddenly jumping out of the box and not being shy make them happier?

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one of my personality traits - i don't easily get my feelings hurt. debate is a wonderful thing. no one should get their feelings hurt at debate. if they do, then they shouldn't debate.

yes you can try to change, and you can be successful in trying to be different. i.e., not being shy. but you are still shy. you are just a person who is trying not to be shy. personality stays the same.

i think a shy person should be a happy shy person. does suddenly jumping out of the box and not being shy make them happier?

Do you think 'shyness' is a genetic trait though?

Or could it be learned?

Personally, Iv always had a pretty equal blend of introvertism and extrovertism. Yet, Iv learned to be shy through my skin troubles. NEVER was I shy before. Well, maybe I was a little when I was 2, lol.

I guess you really have to differentiate between what is genetically ingrained and what is conditioned into us through our environment.

BB

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okay Bob, here is a test. You are on an airplane for a cross-country trip from Atlanta to LA. You are seated next to a goodlooking girl that you don't know. Would you instigate a conversation with her, and chat with her during the flight, or would you be scared to talk to her, and put your head in a book?

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all of that crap is a load of drivel. your personality is imprinted on your DNA. trying to change yr personality is one of the hardest things you can ever do, and few are successful. you are who you are.

they have followed people who win the lottery bigtime. they are hugely excited and happy, and buy all sorts of things. after followup, they always return to the level of happiness that they had previously. they might be glad of all their stuff, but their general level of happiness is exactly the same.

if you aren't the happiest person in the world because of yr skin, you won't be the happiest person in the world with new skin. it's a dream.

have you ever actually seen anyone that changed their personality? exotroverts are always extroverts, introverts are always introverts, charismatic people are charismatic, boring people are boring. it's impossible to change that.

PS Don't be mean to Marc, I like him.

Mallory, just because some people DON'T change doesn't mean that no one CAN'T change.

My apologies to those who have previously read the following post.

Hmm, well I hope my story gives some inspiration. I'll keep it brief.

I was shunned socially as a child because I had terrible eczema all over. My father is an abusive alcoholic that used me as his punching bag. I was the youngest of 3 girls and should have been the boy, and I was a constant source of disappointment and my skin condition required my parents attention. Something they hated to give. My sister died when I was 12 (Polymiocitis, she was 13 we buried her Christmas eve 1975), I thought it should have been me and so did my folks. At 14 we left the only home I had known, moved clear to the other side of the country to the most violent place I'd ever seen. Lot's of drugs and beatings and drop-outs. My dad left us there within the year, for a 24 year old. My mom fell apart and my oldest sister moved away because she couldn't cope with my mom. She was 18 and went West. I took to the streets as I had no home and stayed wherever anyone would take me. Til I was 17, then I became pregnant. At 18 I became a mom and the fellow I was with was an abusive alcoholic that liked to beat me up. Well, not one for patterns, I left him Christmas day 1982. (I had a hard time with Christmas for a long time, but's it's all good now.) He found my hidden packing and two hours later the police answered a call of a person held at gun point, me, I was held at the end of a shot gun with my 10 month old son strapped to my chest in a snuggly. Finally the fear left me and anger took it's place. Screw this and I ran for the door and the 4 cops on the otherside came in and it was done. A police van took me to a women's shelter where I spent one very sad night. The women that were there were not the women I wanted to be. The next day I was driven to the airport and went West. Condense the next few years, worked put myself through school, worked, met my husband, started our own business, earned my first million at 32 and have done very well ever since. My past is my past and my present is well earned. I tried hard and I won over all adversity. I blush and I flush and I have eczema and I have rosacea but I am safe and loved and that means everything. Can't believe I actually am going to post this... feels good to be free of it though.

Edit: Added. I guess I was going more for the inspire me part. My dream has always be simple and complicated and the same -- to be happy.

I've got to add something to this.

The folks who won the lotto, did not earn the money, they won it. There was no moral or psychological impetus to change. People who win the lotto are most often quickly thrust into a situation that is overwhelming, not the best scenario for soul searching and personal growth. I suspect that may actually be the least of their thoughts.

With respect to changing human nature, one needs look no further then the nearest AA meeting, or prison, or church. There would be no shortage of changed people. People who are so radically opposite to their former selves as to be different people entirely.

People can, and do, change. That's neither crap nor drivel. If you want something enough, you do it.

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I have deleted my post, I thought it was Twickle Purple's expressed opinion and didn't see it was forwarded from some HR consultancy page. Yeah, these guidelines on how to live your life may be applicable career-wise ...like the Danish Investment brokerage firm Saxo Bank. They hand out a copy of Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" to all new employees and all partners around the Globe. There is some truth in this book for workers in the Finance Industry...but to live fully by this selfish philosophy and you would turn nuts...somehow you cannot just think on your own interests and neglect morality

PS: There would be no need to delete anything if people expressed their own views and interpretations secondo me!!

You did not read the whole thread, you would see that I found this to support MY OPINION regarding dynamic balance. This is often done, is it not? Typical activity is: post something... want to add some more info... google... voila, copy/link to post, submit.

Are you trying to start something with me?

Twickle Purple

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okay Bob, here is a test. You are on an airplane for a cross-country trip from Atlanta to LA. You are seated next to a goodlooking girl that you don't know. Would you instigate a conversation with her, and chat with her during the flight, or would you be scared to talk to her, and put your head in a book?

Right at this moment in time, I would be scared to talk to her.

However, I would probably chat to her. My heart would want to without doubt. And indeed, the BB before rosacea would DEFINATELY have been having a natter.

So yeah, thats rather a tricky question as my 'yes / no' answer might be misleading.

My skin problem has made me behave as a shy person, even though I am otherwise not.

BB

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is there a difference between someone being born shy, and someone becoming self-conscious about a skin condition? i guess anyone can have their own opinion. in my personal opinion that's not shyness, that's an avoidance technique you decided to take on.

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Hmmm, possible yes.

So you dont think that shyness can be developed after birth?

Or that a naturally shy tendency could be drawn out by environment?

Im not sure to be honest, couldnt say. But its a very interesting question indeed. I guess it really makes us look at what makes up our personality and what we can really do to adapt it to our lives.

BB

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is there a difference between someone being born shy, and someone becoming self-conscious about a skin condition? i guess anyone can have their own opinion. in my personal opinion that's not shyness, that's an avoidance technique you decided to take on.

In my opinion, shyness is a learned behavior. It is NOT equivalent to being an introvert although commonly used as an interchangeable term. Extroverts can be shy as well. In Western society, 'shyness' is considered a negative thing so the majority of the population (extroverts) try their best to overcome it. They believe that open assertiveness is a good thing and so they strive to exhibit it. In Eastern societies "shyness" traits: reservation, tendency to keep opinions to one self and the 'semblance of humility and modesty' are considered a positive thing, therefore even extroverts in Eastern cultures will try to exhibit and master these more "demure" attitudes. That's why we (Westerners) mistakenly label many Asians as "shy and humble" when interacting with them... Funny! It's the side they want us to see.

In your test question, Mallory...for example. You assume that because BB exhibits introverted tendencies, he would naturally assume a "shy" stance when approaching a woman. This is not always true.

In my case, I've had my personality rated by several tests (in college) and I am considered an introvert. However, my behavior at work, for instance, is almost always perceived as an extrovert. I'm in charge of other people, in meetings I seldom hesitate to give my opinion on matters even when in a large room of individuals. My personal life is different. I'm "quiet" and more "classic" in my so called shyness. This is why blushing "bugs" me. It is the "opposite" of what should be perceived of me in most situations. In the plane "test" for example, I would have NO problem in talking to an attractive man next to me. However, as an introvert, I would never give him my phone number or disclose any true personal details. In a bar, I would never approach a man directly BUT I would let him know that I'm attracted to him by looking at him, subtly smiling or nodding at him...until he got the hint. Is that shy? Maybe. But it works everytime. Just diffferent approaches, is all. An "extroverted" might go up and ask for his number. Good for her. Not my style. And I'm not unhappy because of it.

Just my two cents.

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... if it helps inform or help or comfort at least ONE person (obviously not you), then I'm good. :)

To this I would say: Yes. Absolutely! Your posts are done in that spirit and I find them thoughtful and helpful. The tone you set is supportive and encouraging. Most certainly what I need from a support forum. Many thanks for that VickyGirl.

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TSDMF.. :cry:

Romanov/Mickey Mouse/DenMarc/Fanta…etc…

“Tears are Streaming Down my Faceâ€. Really?

I’m not surprised by your comment nor that you deleted it so quickly. Probably it was meant to offend someone but perhaps you were being sincere. If so, you have my compassion. It’s very hard to discern your intent since you 'delete/edit' ad nauseum and it’s difficult to really know what you truly mean. The most logical means of dealing with trolls is to ignore them but we aren’t always logical. On the other hand, if trolling on support forums somehow helps you, then I suppose that you have a right to be here as well. Cheers. Ed might not agree and fortunately, it is his decision how this forum is handled, not mine.

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personally, I like being hugged by men. so Bob, stop sucking up to Vickie, and blow me a kiss!

What do you think VG, should I stop sucking you and let Mallory blow me one?

:lol:

:shock:

Sorry, I didnt realise that Id exceeded my rude remark quoter for September. Opps... :oops:

BB

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