Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much,....... but the reception was excellent.
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,...... but don't start anything."
Two peanuts walked into a bar,....... and one was a salted.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies...... "Yes, I'm positive."
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked. "Because", said the manager, ........."I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,.......
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist sh! op to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So,
the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving ............ that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him (this is so bad, it's good) .........
a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis.