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Julieann

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  1. Hi my name is Julie and I’m 27 years young living in beautiful Hawaii. It’s not always paradise when you are such fair skinned and you have colleagues pointing out your blushing flaws. Today was such a horrible day at the office that I finally have convinced myself to seek support and try to accept that I blush and it’s okay. I came across this esfb channel and started reading and realizing I’m not alone. I thought if I could just post about my bad day/past experiences to others that actually understand my pain and embarrassment, I may find some peace and feel better. Today I was in a room of 15 people (1 being a new hire to the company) giving a presentation and 10 minutes in my colleague stoped me and said “oh my gosh stop, are you okay? You’re turning really red and it’s as if you have blotchy hives going up your neck! Are you hot, with a fever?” Suddenly all eyes went right to my neck and of course I could feel myself getting more red, blotchy, and embarrassed. The only thing I could think to say was, “oh yeah I’m okay, I’m just really fair skinned and I can turn red really easily sometimes.” Another colleague chimes in “oh yeah I remember when you interviewed I’ve seen you like that” .... at this point I’m mortified, but just shrugged it off and just continued with the presentation which went well overall besides me blushing. The colleague then made a point to bring it up again as we were leaving the room saying “I’m glad you’re okay, I was really concerned.” Another person saying “yeah looks like the redness went away” I know she’s coming from a genuine place of concern and I’m sure it was alarming for her to see that as she is a nurse, but little does she know mentally inside I felt defeated, embarrassed, annoyed she’s still talking about it, and on the edge of tears. I then after took my lunch break and cried in my car, sobbing to my boyfriend. My boyfriend being local to the island is so sweet and really is my rock. He told me to just never be ashamed of being different and who you really are. Many people might not be used to seeing someone really white and blushing and that’s okay, they’ll get over it. Still yet it’s been hours later and I’ve still be depressed about it, feeling judged. I know I will eventually just let it go like other times I blush, but this time It just feels different. I get red and blush when I am really nervous or embarrassed in certain social situations. Or if I have a patient who is confrontational or questioning my skills. I once had an intern observing a phone call and I started blushing, blotching down my neck and when we got off the phone call she was horrified I was having an allergic reaction and dying, which I wasn’t, I was just nervous! Even if I am personally going to my own doctor for a routine check up, the anticipation of the visit can make me blush and have blotching hives. The blushing can last anywhere from 15 min to an hour after I’ve felt nervous. What’s ironic is I work in health care and usually I’m fine doing my job. My job can be very stressful but I only blush maybe 5-10 times a month, which to some may not seem like a big deal, but to me with the blushing so noticeable it can ruin my whole day when it comes with comments from others. Things Ive tried/notice I do: wear high neck tops to cover my chest area, scarfs (but it’s hot and sometimes weird looking in Hawaii), if I can feel myself blushing I’ll move my hair over chest/neck to try to hide the blotching. I’ll on purpose change the subject in certain social situations to avoid a topic that makes me blush. Im not huge into the idea of taking medication or interested in getting surgery but looking more into natural remedies. I have been in counseling in the past but never for blushing. I’ve never even brought up my blushing to a doctor which I’m surprised they never have pointed it out before when I see them! Thank you for this safe space to share. Thank you for a place for me to learn more about blushing from others. Any encouragement, tips, and good vibes sent my way is truly appreciated. 🤙🌺
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