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cashew

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About cashew

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  1. cashew

    Shame

    I guess what this video suggest's amounts to CBT, learning to value & love yourself, both intentionally and internally. When shame based beliefs are internalized the subconscious defensive mechanism (blushing) will protect the organism from perceived threats. Rage may also show up as a more seemingly acceptable defense strategy. Catches me out sometimes when I sense my burning redness as a result of being called out or shamed deliberately. https://youtu.be/k_D7wGOu35g Cashew
  2. Here is a short video that may be of interest. https://vimeo.com/5523776
  3. An interesting Utube upload that describes briefly the connection between eye contact and emotional vulnerability. Blushing seems to occur more easily when we sense we are being observed or under scrutiny. (or even by ourselves in self consciousness). So for some, blushing is merely the symptom of an insecurity or vulnerability. Interesting lead if nothing else.
  4. Eleven years on from starting this thread (previously mission121) and I still believe my toxic shame is the root of my symptoms. I continue to hold beliefs that there are parts of me that are truly unlovable (ashamed). For some time I was able to suppress these feelings through distraction and unhelpful behaviours. Then one day I was confronted indirectly with some of my shame based beliefs that forced me into my first episode of deep blushing and associated anxiety. My unconscious beliefs had finally found a means of expression. Unfortunately blushing does not afford me protection, it just compounds my self-loathing and isolates me further. Talking therapies provide some comfort when you find rapport leading to total honesty. But these relationships are unlike those we encounter on a day to day basis. We live in a dog eat dog world and many people carry their own baggage looking to off load on those in their way. Bleating over. Thanks for listening. Cash.
  5. I have come to find that being outside provides me a greater degree of comfort than being inside when socializing. Whenever I visit restaurants etc I always try to convince everyone to sit outside, weather allowing of course. At my desk I have a fan on permanently that blows a cool breeze my way. It raises eyebrows among my colleagues as to why I do this. My anxiety / fear of blushing and sweating kicks in hard if I have to work at a different desk without my trusted desk fan close by. I've always felt being outside and using my desk fan provide a mental distraction from my fears in the sense that I am receiving a cool breeze which goes someway to combat the symptoms of blushing / anxiety. I guess what I'm describing are forms of self comforting. The physical symptoms are only acceptable to me if they can be explained away by something other than my insecurity. Eg sweating over a curry dinner. Flushing red checks because it's a hot sunny day and I've been outside.
  6. Hi Sean, Just read your post regarding blushing stories on the ESFB forum. A great source of information (time allowing) are books written by Dr Donald Nathanson "The many faces of shame" and "Shame and pride". I'm trying to write a piece that may be useful to you however I am finding it much more difficult than I first imagined. I suppose I could describe what it is like on a day to day basis living with chronic blushing but I am really about getting to the bottom of the psychic tension that generates blushing (shame/pride/humiliation). Shame truly is the master emotion (Thanks Adam) Chronic blushing is the state of becoming the observer of the shameful self. If I believe I am bad/flawed in some way then this is how I know you see me. I am ashamed before I even begin to present or express myself for fear of humiliation or criticism. My standards have been set excessively high through nurture and culture (media) and I have over time been punished/bullied where I have failed to meet those standards (Perfectionism results). I am what I am and I know it's not good enough. In order to function I have hidden behind an array of defence mechanisms and self medicate with substances or activities that high jack my body's chemistry in an attempt to stave off depression and anxiety. My symptoms of chronic blushing were triggered when I could no longer hide behind my unhealthy defence strategies and began adjusting to the pressures of a new family. To describe my day to day state of mind would follow something like I must not let anyone see my deficiencies, including blushing, otherwise I am judged negatively. Any negative judgement (even banter) is psychologically excruciating. When I blush I am at the mercy of my tormentors and am often reminded of my insecurities as a source of amusement. I am unable to participate unless I feel confident and secure from the thought I might blush. My thoughts are nearly always spent worrying about how am going to avoid exposing my insecurities. I would be interested to know if you decide to broadcast a show on this topic. Do you have a schedule of when it may be aired? Hope this was useful
  7. Daily Mail article. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2044467/Dont-bashful-blushing-Always-red-youre-embarrassed-New-research-shows-s-sign-youll-great-lover.html
  8. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zl9NahXnX54&feature=related
  9. Just a quickie. If there is time, do lots of research on seroxat as it has a had some bad press in years gone by. My experience of rebound anxiety after reducing my use of seroxat after six months left me with blushing anxiety. (My belief). Good luck Cashew
  10. Thought I would pop by and see what is happening in the world of ESFB. It's been a while. I just finished reading The Starmans post and found that his first experience of unexpected blushing threw me back to my first encounter. The story is the same but different. Lunch break at work, sitting opposite a cute girl, I was happily chatting away when suddenly the conversation ran dry. For some reason the silence made me very uncomfortable and the blushing struck. From that day on every social encounter where I felt I was being observed, whether speaking or not, blushing and related anxiety would strike me down. What I find mostly interesting though was how The Starman described the moment for him "All of a sudden "I lost it", forgot everything I was talking about and just felt so self-conscious". I have read that when anxiety kicks in our thinking brain takes a back seat as we become aware of something perceived as threatening to us. (blushing is an unconscious defensive response apparently) The anxiety doubles as we feel silly drying up in front of others. I realize now that I had never encountered an awkward silence before and didn't have the skill/experience to deal with it and so my instincts took over. If only I had known to say something like "You got anything to talk about?" or "What was I saying?" anything just to pass the ball and help me regain my composure. Interestingly, I too was relentlessly bullied by my big Brother. I later realized this was because my parents had no time or energy for us, so I became the soft target. Following this start in life I adopted a victim mentality and became a soft target for school bullies. It is no wonder I have a foundation of sensitivity amongst people and situations I find intimidating. Have a great day everyone, Cashew (the best type of nut!)
  11. cashew

    Perth WA

    Hi all, I also live in Croydon, Melbourne. I moved here from England 2.5 years ago. I was previously posting as Mission until some one pinched my user name on the new forum. Kinda lost my identity and enthusiasm at the same time. Didn't lose the blushing though ( And yes I know England are receiving a Tonking from the Australian cricket team (again ) Cashew aka Nick.
  12. Is it possible that after exercise your body is releasing the feel good chemicals which may help reduce self conscious tension? I have always felt swimming is one those activities where I am with, and around, all types of people, and yet am able to keep a comfortable distance with out feeling conspicuous. If necessary I can even hide under the water for a moment without drawing attention to myself there by allowing me to flirt with self conscious feelings and win some minor personal battles. Cashew, (the best type of nut!)
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